"Don't Go Home" by Sara Mearns at City Center

“Don’t Go Home” is a cathartic sensemaking of Sara Mearns. The autobiographical ballet shares the dual impact of criticisms and self-pities, caused by the nonstop pressure of striving to be perfect (…perfectly suited for National Self-Care Day today!).

Convoluted by design, Mearns dances out her own Broadway confessional. Befits in a pale blue skirt, she floats on pointe, breaks the fourth wall, and even drops the “F” bomb. Her character Claire/Sara kept trying to “find herself” by dancing out the constant negative whispers in her head (sometimes partnered by Gilbert Bolden III). An offstage director (Frank Wood) kept the narration alive. A dance double (Anna Greenberg) mirrored Mearns to a T, twinning the prima’s natural locks with a wig. The lighting design was so flashy that my eyes were zapped. And the music, pounded down to the crest of the world.

Mearns’ main problem— her home life and work life starts to feel the same. “The world sees me as this perfect ballerina who has it all. But I’ve been through periods when I don’t have the confidence to get to the studio in the morning, and periods when home no longer felt like home” (opening up about her struggle with depression in an interview with Alastair Macaulay).

4/5/2025

With desperation, Mearns ambiguously left us, touching her own heart after a swirl of chaînés, suggesting that her home is now where her heart is.

I did go home, right afterwards…wondering if it’s possible for me to not be affected by its sadness...